Today, I will reveal the second page of the screenplay of my first short film - An Unforgettable Christmas - to you. I will also draw some conclusions from that about screenplay writing and my skills back then.
Don't bother trying to read it. It's out of focus and in Dutch. As I did yesterday, I came up with an English translation. For the idea and some visual proof, I added a picture of the original page underneath today's post.
Alright, let me start with the translation, a continuation of yesterday's post, starting out at the last sentence of the previous page:
The curtains have been closed [they will stay open if it rains], as the weather doesn't improve the mood either. Breakfast is eaten without any talking [ a single candle on the table, a teapot, a slice of bread with cheese or bread with chocolate sprinkles and a carton of milk]
You retire to your room for the remainder of the morning and the entire afternoon. You lie down on your bed, reading christmas stories to kill time and cheer up your mood a little bit. [shots of a clock (time is flying)]
At 6:30 PM, you hear the bell that tells you that dinner is ready [close up of hand pulling on string]
We actually had (not sure if it's still there) a bell hanging close to the kitchen, underneath the stairs, that my mom could ring when dinner was ready
You are pretty hungry [sound of an empty stomach (stethoscope?)] and looking forward to dinner. A tasty meal will cheer people up every now and then... The mood is still depressed, the weather too (it's still raining) and Christmas dinner is a disappointment [brown bean soup?]
After dinner, something happens that makes you even sadder. The dishes need to be done and you have to do them all by yourself [Shots of the dishes, horror vision: FLASH FLASH FLASH]
JW is doing the dishes, small boy working on a huge amount of dirty dishes
Suddenly the door bell rings [sound of door bell]
[JW ignores it and continues doing the dishes. It seems like he isn't hearing the sound] The bell rings again and again and again and again. The sound slowly fades into the beeping of an alarm clock. [when possible: camera moves through the kitchen, through the corridor in the direction of the front door and this image dissolves into an image of the bed room, focusing on the alarm clock] It is your alarm clock... Your alarm clock?
You wake up bathing in sweat [JW wakes up scared!] It was just a dream and what a dream it was. A nightmare that you won't forget easily.
Suddenly a cold feeling catches you. And that is putting it mildly, you are feeling stone cold. Nevertheless, you decide to get up, you set your alarm, after all. You get out of bed and check the calendar. It's the 25th of December. The 25th of December? [final shot, calendar, 25th of December (horror vision)]
And here's a picture to show you what it looked like on paper:
Little script Analysis
Looking back at this screenplay and the (making of) the film itself, I probably did the best that I could do. This is as much of a screenplay that I could write. Nevertheless, looking back at it now, even though it is kind of visual, it mainly deals with emotions and thoughts. Exactly the parts that a screenplay should not contain. It is book stuff. Unless thoughts and emotions are expressed in a voice over. And, even though I start the screenplay with: [Voice- Over] I am not sure if the whole movie needed to have a voice over or just part of it. Perhaps it actually had. And, if this was the case, I guess we did that because we lacked sound recording equipment.
How much of the screenplay was actually translated to the screen
We didn't necessarily copy the screenplay word by word. The film ended up a little differently. For instance, there was no family breakfast. As I described in my post from 4 days back: How to Not Make a Movie Part 1, his mom tells him with an angry voice: "Your breakfast is on the table." Everybody has had breakfast without him and - even worse - the breakfast is nothing special. Yet another disappointment.
This is one of a couple of changes we had to make. Probably because I couldn't get my family to do this scene or because of lack of time. I seriously have no idea. It's over 15 years ago.
Final conclusion
This is a mix between what could be a short story, an attempt at a short film screenplay, the directions you would give an actor and a shot list. It gave us just enough information to work with. This is how I started out.
For my next short film, in 2005, that I will treat in my following How to Not Make a Movie Post, I approached things a little more professionally. But, you know what, I did the best I could on this project and - more importantly - I actually managed to finish it. Something I can't say of many projects that followed.
TO BE CONTINUED
Are you an aspiring filmmaker, an actual filmmaker or just somebody interested in other people's struggles and stories, I welcome you. Don't hesitate to ask me any questions and I will do the best I can to answer them ;>)
Image source: Christmas picture from Pexels.com